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2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 사랑이 없어서

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 반지

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 그곳에 불이 켜져 있었다

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 햇빛속의 별..치유

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 아는 것

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 사람20.

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 험담이 주는 상처

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 무재칠시(無財七施) .... 돈이 없어도 베풀 수 있는 7가지

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 내가 미워하는 것들.

2020/02/12 - [Philosophy] - 삶은 속도가 아니라 방향이다

가난 속에서 믿음과 존경을 떠나 사랑으로 서로 의지하며 지내기란 쉽지 않은 일이다. 흔히들 아름다운 사랑. 행복한 시간. 이라고 말하지만 가난은 고통스럽고 유쾌하지 않은 시간들이다. 돌이켜 보면 인생을 살아가면서 가장 깊은 기억의 골을 남기는 것은 고통속의 시간들인 듯 하다. 평생을 그 기억을 간직한 채 살아가야 할 만큼 쉽게 지워지지 않는 기억들이다. 가난할 때 사랑은 더  깊어지기도 하고 서로 헤어져야 할만큼 관계가 악화되기도 한다. 같은 고통이라도 그것을 받아들이는 각자의 행복지수의 차이리라. 가슴저리고 아름다운 이야기지만 쉽게 눈물짓고 감동받고 넘어갈 만큼 쉬운 일이 아니다. 괴테가 말했듯 '눈물젖은 빵' 을 먹어보지 않고서는 인생을 논하지 말자.

폐허 속에서 희망을 본 하인리히 뵐.

그의 1953년 작품 '그리고 아무말도 하지 않았다' 에서도 가난속에 고통받는 부부의 이야기가 나온다

개략적인 줄거리는 다음과 같다.

프레드는 성당의 전화교환수로 일하지만 박봉이어서 부업으로 과외까지 병행한다. 그는 폭력을 본능적으로 혐오하지만 다섯 식구가 단칸방에 살면서 마음이 여유를 잃다 보니 사소한 일로 아이들에게 손찌검까지 한다. 그는 더 참지 못하고 두 달째 가족과 떨어져 지낸다. 아이들과 남은 캐테의 일상은 더러움과의 투쟁으로 채워진다. 장롱을 조금만 움직여도 회칠한 벽에서는 석회 덩어리가 우수수 떨어지기에 하루에도 몇 번씩 걸레질을 해야 한다. 하지만 이런 구역질나는 현실 속에서 ‘신’이라는 단어만이 자신에게 남아 있는 유일한 것이라고 여기는 캐테야말로 진정한 신자다. 캐테는 프랑케 부인과 같은 사람들이 ‘하느님 장사’를 하는 건 아닌가라고 생각한다. 부부라고는 하지만 한 집에 살지 않으므로 프레드와 캐테는 가끔씩 바깥에서 만나 밤을 보낸다. 값싼 호텔에라도 하룻밤 묵으려면 프레드는 여기저기 돈을 빌리러 다녀야 하는 형편이다. 이들에게 희망이 있을까. 오랜만에 만난 주말에 아내는 헤어지는 게 낫지 않겠느냐는 말을 꺼낸다. 가난은 그렇게 부부의 사랑까지 파괴하는 듯이 보인다.

상이군인인 아버지, 바보 동생과 같이 살아가면서도 미소를 잃지 않고 이웃에게 친절을 베푸는 간이식당의 소녀에게서 프레드가 감동을 받았다고 하자 캐테는 자신도 그런 감동을 준 적이 있는지 묻는다. “그런 적은 없지만 내 마음을 돌린 적은 있어. 내가 아주 심하게 아플 때였지.”
 프레드의 나이가 썩 젊지 않았던 때였음에도 캐테는 프레드의 마음을 뒤집어엎은 전력이 있다. 물론 그렇기 때문에 결혼한 것이기도 하다. 그때의 감정을 상기하면서 가난에 무뎌진 프레드의 열정은 다시 회복된다. 이튿날 길거리에서 어떤 여자의 모습을 보고 심장이 멎는 듯한 감동과 흥분을 느끼며 뒤쫓아 가는 게 그 증거다. 한데 놀랍게도 그 여자는 아내 캐테였다. “15년간 결혼생활을 해온 내 아내는 여전히 내게 낯선 동시에 또 무척 낯익게 생각되었다.” 이 소설이 프레드가 다시 집으로 돌아가겠다고 말하는 장면으로 마무리되는 것은 아주 당연해 보인다. 뵐이 암울한 폐허 속에서 발견한 은총인지도 모른다 

당시 독일에서는 2차 세계대전에 패망한 후 패전문학의 시대속에 암울한 시기였다. 독일인 들에게 가난의 고통속에서도 희망이라는 해법을 제시해 주었다는 점에서 호평을 받았던 책이다. 동서양의 정서의 차이일까? 가난 속에서 행복을 찾아가는 해법이 사뭇 다르다.

다음은 김소운씨의 가난한 날의 행복 속에 나오는 실제 부부들의 가난속 행복들이다.

먹을 만큼 살게되면 지난날의 가난을 잊어버리는 것이 인지상정인가 보다. 가난은 결코 환영할 것이 못 되니, 빨리 잊을수록 좋은 것일지도 모른다. 그러나 가난하고 어려웠던 생활에도 아침 이슬같이 반짝이는 아름다운 회상이 있다. 여기에 적은 세 쌍의 가난한 부부 이야기는, 이미 지나간 옛 날 이야기지만, 내게 언제나 새로운 감동을 안겨다 주는 실화이다.

그들은 가난한 신혼 부부였다. 보통의 경우라면, 남편이 직장으로 나가고 아내는 집에서 살림을 하겠지만, 그들은 반대였다. 남편은 실직으로 집 안에 있고, 아내는 집에서 가까운 어느 회사에 다니고 있었다.

어느날 아침, 쌀이 떨어져서 아내는 아침을 굶고 출근을 했다.

“어떻게든지 변통을 해서 점심을 지어 놓을테니, 그 때까지만 참으오.”

출근하는 아내에게 남편은 이렇게 말했다. 마침내 점심시간이 되어서 아내가 집에 돌아와 보니, 남편은 보이지 않고, 방안에는 신문지로 덮인 밥상이 놓여 있었다. 아내는 조용히 신문지를 걷었다. 따뜻한 밥 한 그릇과 간장 한 종지. . . .

쌀은 어떻게 구했지만, 찬까지는 마련할 수 없었던 모양이다. 아내는 수저를 들려고 하다가 문득 상 위에 놓인 쪽지를 보았다.

“왕후의 밥, 걸인의 찬 . . . 이걸로 우선 시장기만 속여 두오.”

낯익은 남편의 글씨였다. 순간, 아내는 눈물이 핑 돌았다. 왕후가 된 것보다도 행복했다. 만금을 주고도 살 수 없는 행복감에 가슴이 부풀었다.

다음은 어느 시인 내외의 젊은 시절 이야기다. 역시 가난한 부부였다.

어느날 아침, 남편은 세수를 하고 들어와 아침상을 기다리고 있었다. 그 때, 시인의 아내가 쟁반에다 삶은 고구마 몇 개를 담아 들고 들어왔다.

“햇고구마가 하도 맛있다고 아랫집에서 그러기에 우리도 좀 사왔어요. 맛이나 보세요.”

남편은 본래 고구마를 좋아하지도 않는데다가 식전에 그런 것을 먹는 게 부담스럽게 느껴졌지만, 아내를 대접하는 뜻에서 그 중 제일 작은 놈을 하나 골라 먹었다. 그리고 쟁반 위에 함께 놓인 홍차를 들었다.

“하나면 정이 안 간대요. 한 개만 더 드세요.”

아내는 웃으면서 또 이렇게 권했다. 남편은 마지못해 또 한 개를 집었다. 어느새 밖에 나갈 시간이 가까웠다. 

남편은 “인제 나가 봐야겠소. 밥상 들여요.” 하고 재촉했다.

“지금 잡숫고 있잖아요. 이 고구마가 오늘 우리 아침밥이어요.”

“뭐요?”

남편은 비로소 집에 쌀이 떨어진 줄을 알고, 무안하고 미안한 생각에 얼굴이 화끈했다.

“쌀이 없으면 없다고 왜 좀 미리 말을 못 하는거요? 사내 봉변을 시켜도 유분수지.”

뿌루퉁해 한 마디 쏘아붙이자, 아내가 대답했다.

“저의 작은 아버님이 장관이셔요. 어디를 가면 쌀 한 가마가 없겠어요? 하지만, 긴긴 인생에 이런 일도 있어야 늙어서 얘깃거리가 되잖아요.”

잔잔한 미소를 지으면서 이렇게 말하는 아내 앞에, 남편은 숙연할 수밖에 없었다. 그러면서도 가슴 속에서 형언 못할 행복감이 밀물처럼 밀려 왔다.

다음은 어는 종로의 여인에게서 들은 이야기다. 여인이 젊었을 때였다. 남편이 거듭 사업에 실패하자, 이들 내외는 갑자기 가난 속에 빠지고 말았다. 남편은 다시 일어나 사과 장사를 시작했다. 서울에서 사과를 싣고 춘천에 갖다 넘기면 다소의 이윤이 생겼다. 그런데 한번은, 춘천으로 떠난 남편이 이틀이 되고 사흘이 되어도 돌아오지를 않았다. 제 날로 돌아오기는 어렵지만, 이틀째에는 틀림없이 돌아오는 남편이었다. 아내는 기다리다 못해 닷새째 되는 날 남편을 찾아 춘천으로 떠났다.

“춘천에만 닿으면 만나려나 했지요, 춘천을 손바닥만하게 알았나 봐요. 정말 막막하더군요. 하는 수 없이 여관을 뒤졌지요. 여관이란 여관은 모조리 다 뒤졌지만, 그이는 없었어요. 하룻밤을 여관에서 뜬눈으로 새웠지요. 이튿날 아침, 문득 그이의 친한 친구 한 분이 도청에 계시다는 것이 생각나서, 그분을 찾아 나섰지요. 가는 길에 혹시나 하고 정거장에 들러 봤더니 . . .” 매표구 앞에 늘어선 줄 속에 남편이 서 있었다. 아내는 너무 반갑고 원망스러워 말이 나오지 않았다.

트럭에다 사과를 싣고 춘천으로 떠난 남편은, 가는 길에 사람을 몇 태웠다고 했다. 그들이 사과 가마니를 깔고 앉는 바람에 사과가 상해서 제 값을 받을 수 없었다. 남편은 도저히 손해를 보아서는 안 될 처지였기에 친구의 집에 기숙하면서, 시장 옆에 자리를 구해 사과 소매를 시작했다. 그래서 어젯밤 늦게서야 겨우 다 팔 수 있었다는 것이다. 전보도 옳게 제 구실을 하지 못했던 8.15 직후였으니 . . .

함께 춘천을 떠나 서울로 향하는 차 속에서 남편은 아내의 손을 꼭 쥐었다. 그 때만 해도 세 시간 남아 걸리던 경춘선, 남편은 한 번도 그 손을 놓지 않았다. 아내는 한 손을 남편에게 맡긴 채 너무도 너무도 행복해서 그저 황홀에 잠길뿐이었다.

그 남편은 그러나 6.25때 죽었다고 한다. 여인은 어린 자녀들을 이끌고 모진 세파와 싸우지 않으면 안되었다.

“이제, 아이들도 다 커서 대학엘 다니고 있으니, 그이에게 조금은 면목이 선 것도 같아요. 제가 지금까지 살아올 수 있었던 것은, 춘천서 서울까지 제손을 놓지 않았던 그이의 손길, 그것 때문일지도 모르지요.”

여인은 조용히 웃으면서 이렇게 말을 맺었다.

지난날의 가난은 잊지 않는 게 좋겠다. 가난속에 빛나던 사랑만은 잊지 말아야겠다. 

“행복은 반드시 부와 일치하진 않는다.”는 말은 결코 진부한 일편의 경구만은 아니다.

- 지금을 사는 나 -

It is not easy to rely on each other for love, regardless of faith and respect in poverty. often beautiful love A happy time. Poverty is a painful and unpleasant time to say that. Looking back, it seems that the time in pain is the most memorable moment in life. These are memories that cannot be erased easily enough to live with them for the rest of their lives. When you are poor, love can deepen and the relationship can deteriorate to the point where you have to break up with each other. Even if it is the same pain, it is the difference in the happiness index of each person who accept it. It's a heartbreaking and beautiful story, but it's not easy enough to be easily moved and moved. As Goethe said, let's not discuss life without eating 'tears of bread'.

Heinrich Voul, who saw hope in the ruins.
His 1953 work 'And said nothing' also tells the story of a couple suffering from poverty.
The outline of the plot is as follows.

Fred works as a telephone operator at the cathedral, but he also works as a minor part-time tutor. He instinctively hates violence, but since five families live in a single room and lose their composure, he even reaches out to children for trivial things. He can't stand it any longer and has been separated from his family for two months. Children and the rest of Katte's daily lives are filled with struggles against dirt. Even if you move the wardrobe a little, you have to mop it several times a day because the lump of lime falls off the painted wall. But in this sickening reality, Katte is a true believer who considers the word "God" to be the only thing left for him. Katte thinks people like Mrs. Francke are doing "God's business." Fred and Kate sometimes meet outside and spend the night together because they are married but do not live in the same house. Fred has to borrow money from here and there if he wants to stay at a cheap hotel overnight. Will there be any hope for them? On the weekend we met for the first time in a long time, his wife suggests that it would be better to break up. Poverty seems to destroy even the love of a couple.
When Fred said he was moved by a girl at a snack bar who never lost her smile and showed kindness to her neighbors while living with her father, a disabled soldier, and her brother, Kate asks if she had ever given such impression. "I've never done that, but I've changed my mind. It was when I was very sick.”
Even though Fred was not very young, Cate had a history of upsetting Fred. Of course, that's why they got married. Recalling the feelings at that time, Fred's passion for poverty is restored again. The evidence is that he follows a woman on the street the next day with a heart-stopping sensation and excitement. Surprisingly, however, she was his wife, Katte. "My wife, who has been married for 15 years, was still unfamiliar to me and at the same time very familiar." It seems quite natural that the novel ends with Fred saying he will go home again. It may be the grace that Beale found in the dark ruins.

It was a dark period in Germany at that time in the era of defeat in World War II. The book received favorable reviews for suggesting a solution of hope to Germans in the midst of poverty. Is it the difference between East and West sentiments? The solution to finding happiness in poverty is quite different.

The following are the happiness of real couples in the 'happiness of poor days' an essay by Kim So-un.
It must be human nature to forget the poverty of the past when you live enough to eat. Poverty is by no means welcome; the sooner you forget, the better. But even in the poor and difficult life, there is a beautiful recollection that sparkles like morning dew. The story of three poor couples written here is a story of the past, but it always brings me new feelings.

They were poor newlyweds. In normal cases, the husband would go to work and the wife would stay at home, but they were against it. Husband was unemployed and wife was working for a company near house.
One morning, the rice ran out, so wife starved breakfast and went to work.
"I'll make you lunch somehow, so hold on until then."
The husband said to his wife on her way to work. Finally it was lunchtime and when wife came home, she could not see her husband, and the room had a table covered with newspaper. Wife collected the newspaper quietly. A bowl of warm rice and a bowl of soy sauce. . . .
He managed to get some rice, but he couldn't seem to have prepared side dishes.. Wife was trying to lift a spoon and saw a note on the table.
"The Queen's rice, the beggar's side dishe. . . . . .Just try to soothe your hunger with this.."
It was the handwriting of a familiar husband. At the moment, wife was in tears. She was happier than being queen. Her heart was filled with happiness that she could not afford even for a billion dollars.

The following is a young story of a poet and his wife. They were also poor couples.

One morning, husband came in after washing his face and was waiting for the breakfast table. At that time, the poet's wife came in with some boiled sweet potatoes on a tray.
"The sun and sweet potatoes are so delicious that we bought some from downstairs. Just taste it."
Husband didn't even like sweet potatoes, and he felt burdened to eat them before the meal, but he chose the smallest of them to serve his wife. Then I picked up the black tea that was placed together on the tray.
"One thing doesn't make me feel attached to. Have one more."

Wife smiled and urged me to do this again. The husband reluctantly picked up another one. It was nearly time to go out.
He said, "I've got to go out now. Let's get a table."
"You're having trouble. This sweet potato is our breakfast today."
"What?"
Husband finally found out that the rice had run out of the house, and his face was burning with shame and sorry.
"You should have told me beforehand that there was no rice. You've ruined the man's face."
When husband spoke out of sorts, wife replied.
"My uncle is a minister. Can't I get a piece of rice like that? Life is long and these things will be a memory for us.."
In front of his wife, who said this with a gentle smile, the husband had no choice but to remain solemn. At the same time, a sense of indescribable happiness flowed from my heart.

The following is a story I heard from a woman in Jong-ro. It was when the woman was young. When their husbands repeatedly failed in business, they suddenly fell into poverty. The husband got up again and started selling apples. If you take apples from Seoul and hand them over to Chuncheon, you will get some profit. But once, husband, who left for Chuncheon, did not return even after two days and three days. It's hard to get back on time, but on the second day it was definitely husband. On the fifth day after waiting, she went to Chuncheon to find her husband.
"I thought I'd meet you when I reach Chuncheon, I guess I knew Chuncheon as a palm-sized place. I felt really hopeless. I had to go through the inn. I searched all the inns, but he wasn't there. I stayed up all night at the inn. The next morning, I suddenly remembered that one of his best friends was in the eavesdropping, so I went out looking for him. On the way, I stopped by the station just in case, and husband was standing in a line in front of the ticket window. Wife was so glad and resentful that she couldn't speak.
Husband, who left for Chuncheon with an apple in a truck, said he picked up some people on his way. They sat on a sack of apples, and the apples went bad, so they couldn't get the right price. As he was in a position where he could not afford to lose money, he stayed at his friend's house and bought a seat next to the market and started selling apples. That's why it wasn't until late last night that it was only sold out. The telegram wasn't working properly right after 8.15. . . .
The husband clasped his wife's hand in the car that left Chuncheon together for Seoul. Kyung Chun-sun, who had three hours left at the time, never let go of her hand. The wife was so, so happy, leaving one hand to her husband, that she was just ecstatic.
The husband, however, is said to have died during the Korean War. The woman had to lead her young children to fight against the harsh Sepa.
Now, the kids are all grown up and going to college, so I think I'm a little ashamed of him. Maybe that's why I've been able to live from Chuncheon to Seoul.”
The woman smiled quietly and ended up speaking like this.

You'd better not forget the poverty of the past. I should not forget the love that shone in poverty. 
"Happiness does not necessarily coincide with wealth," is by no means a trite epigram.